zach n kali

Dear Lord, With Thanksgiving soon approaching, I wanted to stop and just say "thanks!"  You have blessed us so richly this year - thank you for Peyton and this amazing first year we've had with her.  Thank you for the incredible ways that Matt is growing and developing.  Thank you for their health, and their humor - thank you that they sleep through the night!  And thank you for Zach's new job - you have shown yourself faithful over and over again.  Thank you for our home and our families...      You're welcome.  What are you going to do now? What Lord?      I have blessed you.  So what are you going to do with that? Well... I thought we might just sit and enjoy it for a little while. We've been working really hard.  And we've spent so much time  in prayer lately, trusting you, and everything!  And I mean, Christmas is coming, and vacation...      Why do I bless you?   ...

A funny thing happened to me about a year ago. I found out we were pregnant! With all the joy and excitement came something commonly called Pregnancy Brain. I've mentioned this before. Where before I could spend an hour telling Zach about the latest episode of "The Biggest Loser" (sad, but true), I now couldn't remember if I had watched it. My vocabulary was turning into one syllable words. And grocery shopping? If it wasn't written down, it wasn't bought. This unfortunately left us toiletpaperless several times. So writing definitely wasn't going to happen. I would stare at my journal or the computer screen and wait for words to magically appear. But they wouldn't. So I decided to give myself maternity leave. I knew that once our baby girl was born, my brain would return and I would be so inspired by the wonder of birth and new life that the words would just flow out of me. Ah... Hindsight is not only 20/20, it's often hilarious. Peyton was born ...

My blog has been on a summer hiatus.  I usually like to write about the things that I've been thinking about, so this might lead you to believe that I've been doing very little thinking over the summer.  And you're partially right.  I've been spending my summer trying to be present, live in the moment, and enjoy the blessings I've been given.  Instead of writing, I traveled, took long naps, went swimming with my family, read a few books, and gained about 15 pounds (baby wanted ice cream, what can I say?).  And these things are all great!  But you won't learn half as much from life if you don't stop and reflect.  So to catch you up to speed... On June 11, a judge declared us to be a forever family - Zach, Kali, and Matthew Sean Hocking.  I literally cannot find the words to express what that day felt like, but surrounded by our family, we felt our Father in heaven and his angels rejoicing with us.  We were so blessed to have family visit fro...

This post is dedicated to my friend Vickie, who has gone through this stage three times with grace, and listens to me with sympathy and laughter. Toddler.  The word to me conjures up images of exhaustion and terror.  When you hear "baby", it's easy to ignore the sleepless nights and the constant crying, because images of giggles, pudgy smiles, cooing, lullabies, and strolls through the park are so strong.  Toddler implies endless energy, willful independence, the possibility of tantrums at the store, spaghetti everywhere, and toys all over the house.  These are definitely the adjectives I would have provided when I was childless.  And with a baby, I had to know that when I got to this phase, somehow God would give me the grace to get through it. Oh, but how wrong I was!  Don't get me wrong - I'm exhausted!  A friend asked me if I had blogged recently and I replied that I hadn't found the time, that when M became a toddler, suddenly my time dis...

True Confession:  I am a martyr mom.  I am not proud of this, but acceptance is the first step to recovery.  The martyr mom is the one who pushes on and tries to get everything done herself.  The martyr mom is the one who doesn't ask for help, but then gets frustrated when no one else steps up to the task.  The martyr mom is the one who, when told to take a break, says "just let me finish this" and then moves on to the next chore.  The martyr mom is the one who thinks she is "taking one for the team", but is in reality driving everyone else nuts. How do I know this?  Because I am the Martyr Mom.  Last week I hurt my hand, but I wasn't going to let that stop me!  There was too  much to get done!  The laundry wasn't going to do itself, the dishes weren't going to magically be clean, and no fairy was going to make dinner for us.  So I pushed through the pain, did three loads of laundry, unloaded/loaded/and hand washed ...

Just a minute ago, I was picking something up off the floor when M came barreling toward me for a hug.  I cannot express to you how much I love these hugs!  So I opened my arms and as he ran into them, there was a large splat and something wet hit my arm.  Now, I knew that he had been playing with the towels and washcloths in the kitchen, but why would one be wet?  Then it dawned on me - the one water source he could reach.  Have you ever had that point where you realize how gross something really is?  It took just a few steps to confirm what I feared - toilet paper everywhere, water surrounding the toilet, and the realization that it had just been too quiet only moments earlier.  I had been hugged with toilet water.

The transition into toddlerhood has been a little rough.  We are caught in the tension between being a baby and completely dependent to becoming an independent child.  One minute we're happy, the next we're anxious, then we're frustrated about something and throwing a tantrum.  The days can be tiring.  It's a constant balancing act, and last night we fell off the see-saw. M didn't want to play with Daddy; instead he wanted to be held by Mommy while she frantically cooked dinner (part of it is my mistake for wanting to make basil and feta stuffed chicken breasts instead of the easy mac-n-cheese). Then M didn't want to eat.  Then he didn't want to play.  So I put him in my lap while I finished my dinner, and during a blink, he knocked my wine glass clear across the table.  Wine went everywhere - the walls, the floor, his high chair... I'd had it - a bad word came out of my mouth.  I couldn't stop it - it just escaped.  It was 7:00 and I was r...

Many of you have asked us for an update in regards to where we are in the foster/adoption process with Baby M.  It has been quite a journey, and I feel that I am still processing each new piece of information!  To be honest, it's one that we feel more comfortable sharing with you over a cup of coffee rather than on the internet, but we want to thank you for the prayers and support we have received from you over the past year.  A year ago we had almost finished our foster certification when we hit an unanticipated snag as we waited for a set of fingerprints to clear.  At the time it didn't make sense, and the only thing that kept us going was the knowledge that God was in control and that he was working to bring the right baby into our home at the right time.  A year later, we know that this was true as we move into the next stage of adoption!  We cannot believe God's grace and goodness as we now begin to take the necessary steps to make Baby M a part of our...

I love baby dedications; I think I cry every single time.  We were incredible blessed yesterday to dedicate our sweet Baby M to God before our church family.  Our family joined us at church and we were more than excited.  But in the true spirit of unpredictability, M decided that he didn't like being on stage, and he screamed the entire time.  Who would have thought that my sweet mellow child would be the one to absolutely freak out during his dedication?  Not me.  I was flustered, embarrassed, and pretty upset.  You have an idea of how something will go and you want to remember the day a certain way, and it's upsetting when things don't go as you imagine. After the service, our pastor came up to us and said the last thing I expected to come out of his mouth.  I was waiting for the inevitable, "Well... that was something else..."  But instead, with a huge smile on his face, he said "That was cool".  I'm sorry, what?  Cool?  H...

For all you new and future parents out there who thought that you would feel more rested after the baby sleeps through the night, I have great news for you: I have never been so tired in my life!  Once these sweet darlings discover how to walk and stand, you have to stay four steps ahead of them.  It's 1:30pm, and just this morning M has unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper, emptied the trashcan into the bathtub, eaten (and immediately spit out!) candle wax, spilled milk on the floor, emptied a box that I'm trying to pack three times, hidden my cell phone, sprayed himself with Cherry Blossom body spray, smeared you-know-what all over the changing table, and since it's quiet right now, I can only assume he's into something else.  And all that with a nap in the middle.  Some of you might be picturing my son as an out-of-control-undisciplined little maniac, but the truth is that he's a very well-behaved baby.  But he has discovered the freedom that comes wi...

There are many "firsts" that we will probably remember forever - first day of college, first kiss, the first time you conquered a fear... Over the past few weeks I have had a blast enjoying many of Baby M's firsts that he will more than likely not remember, but will hopefully all contribute to a deeply rooted sense that he is loved. On September 10th we celebrated his first birthday with friends and family in a Monsters Inc. themed party. I cannot express to you how blessed I was to share this day with loved ones who were equally sharing it with us. Zach's brother showed up as Mike Wazowski and was a great sport as three of the kids chased him around the yard. It meant so much to me as family jumped in to help without us even asking and even though M probably didn't have a clue what was going on, he was loved. Then a few days later M and I took his first airplane trip to Colorado! It was definitely a new experience flying with a little one, and don't t...

I have met my mortal enemy. Did you know that cheerios have the ability to multiply by 5 as soon as they hit the ground? And they will hit the ground! Based on my recent research, and by that I mean breakfast, 2% of all cheerios on the highchair tray actually reach M's mouth and the rest... well, hopefully we'll find them all when we move. These things bounce like rubber balls and end up everywhere from the kitchen floor to Baby M's pajamas. When I lift him out of his chair it's like a meteor shower of cheerios beneath him. And they crunch! You know the feeling you get when you realize you've stepped on a snail? That's how I feel when I hear the crunch of a cheerio beneath my foot. If any of my former college classmates could see me now, crawling around on the floor in my pajamas, they would definitely think, “Wow! She's gone far!” Ok, well maybe I haven't “gone far”. But I'm right where I want to be, cheerios and all. It's 8:30 in...

The concept of mindfulness is the idea that wherever you are, you are there one hundred percent. It doesn't matter if you are catching up with a friend or if you are sitting and quietly having your devotions or commuting on the freeway. Sometimes it's easier than others - who doesn't have 18 things on their minds at one time? But what I'm finding is that when I take the time to focus my energy completely 100% on where I'm at, I find myself in a place of pure contentment. When you are completely involved in the task at hand, you can't think about how you wish things were different or how much work you have to do. I focus on how soft Baby M's hair is. I listen to his laugh. I realize how lucky I am to be sitting on the floor with him reading a book. And suddenly I find that I don't want to be anywhere else in the world. I realize that I have few precious hours with him and see that they go by so fast! My baby is turning into a little boy right befo...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have just had a near death experience. If you think that it was from a toxic spit-up burn or from falling down the stairs while carrying a baby and the other 65lbs of things they require, then you would be wrong. I just had an encounter with the Ghost of Diapers Past. Those of you who do not have children may think that changing a diaper is the grossest thing ever. You would also be wrong. There is a smell so bad that I feel it could literally kill you. Your eyes water, your lungs shut down, and your stomach turns. That is the smell that comes out of the diaper pail when it is filled to the brim, and you leave it open a second too long. I, like Ebenezer Scrooge, am taking my encounter with the Ghost of Diapers Past and using it for the greater good. I am sharing my experience so that you do not experience a similar fate. Empty it before it's too late. Always put the diapers in with lightning speed. And remember that once you have experienced so...

Ever since we got married, Zach and I have lived in a one-bedroom apartment. Less to clean, less expensive, and more than enough room for both of us. Now that there are three of us, we've had to be creative with our use of space. The first thing we had to do was decide what words we wanted to describe our home. For me, those were welcoming, peaceful, cozy, and serene. Here are some other ways that we've made our small space work for us: - Constantly get rid of clutter! Clutter is the bane of my existence. Since storage space is limited, I am constantly going through bookcases and closets to see what we no longer use/like/fit in/etc. It's very freeing to be able to sort through your shirts without having to use brute force! Granted, this philosophy has created a bit of tension between Zach and myself as he is more of a pack-rat and I am more of an exterminator. But sometimes the place just has to be fumigated if you're going to thrive in a small space. - E...

I have recently discovered a new way to determine the value of things that I own. Last Friday I went to the beach with some friends and instinctively took off my wedding ring to put suncreen on Baby M. As I was doing this I turned to say something to a friend and when I looked back, M was twisting something around in his fingers. Panic set in as I realized that my rings were no longer where I had placed them and with a mad intensity I grabbed one out of his fingers. My friends heard a crazed "Open your mouth! Please don't swallow that! No!" and thought to themselves, "Geez, it's just sand!" But when I pulled my other ring out of his mouth we all shared a good laugh as my blood pressure returned to normal. All I could think was, "I really don't want to sift through your diapers for this!" And then I would always look at my beautiful ring as "The Poop Ring". Of course this is not the first time Baby M has put something in hi...

It's time for an update from the recovering-control-freak. I just spent the last 30 minutes cleaning baby food off of the baby, the high chair, the floor, the walls, the table, and oh, that's right, me. Why? Because I couldn't let go. I'm having one of those "must be productive" days where I have 8 errands to run in a tiny amount of time. My day is budgeted into specific slots for each activity - lunch, driving, errands, driving, nap time, cooking, etc. Lunch was running into "getting ready" time, so I thought it best to keep spooning food into the baby's mouth, winding my way through flying baby arms and a head that kept swinging from side to side. It was like being on Star Tours. Normally I feel much more relaxed about lunch and enjoy watching Baby M try to maneuver the spoon into his ear. But time was of the essence today! Why? Because I was in Productivity Mode! Baby M, however, was in I'm-Big-Enough-To-Feed-Myself-Thank-You-V...

Zach and I were given the wonderful opportunity to go away together for a few days this weekend. My wonderful in-laws watched Baby M, and Zach and I packed ourselves up in a miraculous 30 minutes and headed off to sunny San Diego. We spent the day at Sea World, staring in pity at the poor parents who had to deal with stroller parking and sit through the Elmo show. We enjoyed Cirque de la Mare and the Blue Horizons show and stared at Beluga whales and turtles. After checking into our hotel we headed for an awesome dinner at Bandu, a Persian restaurant in the Gaslamp district. My meal could have fed a family of four! The portions were huge and the food was awesome! We enjoyed chicken and ground beef kebabs with rice and grilled tomatoes. There was not a splotch of pureed squash to be found! Around nine o' clock we headed back to our car, watching the city wake up around us; clubs were filling, restaurants were in full swing. The night was young and the town was ours for the...

Dear Baby Boy, I love you to the moon and back. But more importantly, I love you so much that when you spit up on me I don't gag and throw up on you. I love you so much that I don't mind not sleeping in. I love you so much that I'm willing to watch a movie in 30 minute chunks. I love you so much that I don't get mad when you pull everything out of the dishwasher. I love you so much that when you won't stop crying, I'm not thinking about my ears, but what I can do to make you feel better. I love you so much that I am willing to spend more time at Target (ok, so that's not hard, but still!) I love you so much that Belle quickly became “just a cat”. I love you so much that errands can take me all day and it's ok. I love you so much that I will sit with you for half an hour while you figure out whether or not you like chicken. I love you so much I can lose track of time just watching you sleep. I love you so much that my vocabulary sometim...

A guy's weekend for Zach used to mean a wonderful relaxed weekend for me - movies with friends, ice cream for dinner, Netflix deliveries that were all chick-flick and no boom, sleeping in, shopping, and reading with no interruptions. Of course I missed him and was always ready for him to come home, but it was a nice change of pace and we both felt like we'd had a little vacation. This weekend Zach's gone fishing and I am home with Baby M. It's definitely been a different weekend! When I walked into the kitchen the other day and found both M and Belle surrounded by dozens and dozens of grocery bags, all I could do was shake my head and laugh. The work doesn't end - the dishes, the diapers, the laundry, the baths - and I've had to remember to laugh instead of cry, pick my battles, say a prayer of thanks for my wonderful husband who usually does the early morning diaper change, and be very creative. When I feel like all my energy is gone, I have to lean on t...