zach n kali

There.  I said it.  Now, why is that so hard to admit?  Why is it that I feel the need to put on a happy face and pretend that I am so constantly energized by my two bouncing children that I want to take on the whole world; that being a stay-at-home mom is the greatest single feat I have ever and will ever accomplish?  Why can't I just say that I love what I do, but I'm tired - that there are highs and lows to every day, just like there are in the working world? ** Side Note: If you aren't a stay-at-home mom, feel free to insert your own job.  I simply say SAHM because it's my job.  But I'm sure everyone has felt these things, be you a teacher, a doctor, a marine biologist, or a wedding planner (those are just some of the other things I wanted to be growing up). So why can't I admit that I am bone-tired?  It's pretty simple, really. I would rather say, "Hi, I'm SuperMom!"  Because being honest, might make it seem like I made a mistake in my...

 Spring has sprung here in southern California, and the gorgeous photogenic days mean one thing in the Hocking household - dirt.  I saw this adorable wall decal once that defined "Boys" as "noun.  Noise with dirt on it". Truer words may have never been spoken.  But let's not count out little girls.  Sweet P might be sugar and spice and everything nice, but earlier today she looked like she had a beard.  I'm sure the dirt offers some sort of protein.  I think I've already swept up an inch of dirt off my living room floor today.  Dirt has always been my enemy.  I'm not fond of camping because of dirt.  I don't like gardening because of dirt, and sometimes I don't like the beach because of dirt.  And then I had toddlers, and Dirt became a supervillian that you could make a movie out of.  When I look at my dirt-speckled children, all I can think about is how all that dirt will soon be in my house.  I'm just done.  Over it...

My sweet husband came home for lunch today, my birthday, with cupcakes and a grand gesture - he would let me take a shower while he kept an eye on the kids.  Great.  This is what my life has come to.  My birthday present is a shower.  And... I'm excited about it. The past three months of three three and under have been rough.  Some days I have felt like I've just gone through the motions.  Some days are so monotonous that I really can't even tell you how the week's been.  And some days have been so rough that I just want to cry into my pillow at night, feeling like an utter failure.  And some days are so fun that I can't wait to tell anyone and everyone that I am the luckiest person in the world with the best job.  And those days often have to carry me through the others. The problem with all of that is that I'm relying on other people and circumstances to make me happy.  I am relying on "something" to make the day worth it.  An...

I love Anniversaries!  Be they wedding anniversaries, birthdays, celebrating the first day you bought a car, I love taking time out of the mundane to celebrate special moments.  Our wedding anniversary is one of my favorite times of year.  We are really bad at having regular date nights (unless zoning out while watching The Good Wife counts, because we're really good at that!), so it's really important for us that we take time to just be together, distractionless, reliving our highs, talking through our lows, and recharging.  For our fifth anniversary last year we went to the Bahamas for a week.  Other years we've gone back to our favorite spots in Cambria and St. George. This year we managed to swing a private viewing of the Aquarium of the Pacific with a romantic dinner for two from one of our favorite restaurants.  We had a babysitter, a romantic table, and a piano nearby with someone ready to serenade us as we ate and watched the sharks swim lazily by...

I woke up this morning with a bad case of The Mondays.  I mean bad.  Monday is usually a reset day for us after busy weekends.  But this morning I was just over it.  I didn't want to unload the dishwasher.  I didn't want to change Matt's sheets (potty training is great, but exhausting).  I kind of just wanted to sit in a corner with my coffee and pout.  But if I decide to be Mrs. Crankypants, then the kids become Crankypants Jrs, and that just makes everything worse.  I just felt like life was on this 'lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat' cycle of monotony. Pick up the toys just so the kids can dump them out again.  Unload the dishwasher just to load it up again.  Read Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs again.  Again again again. But then by my second cup of coffee, I remembered what someone at church said a few weeks ago.  A Stay-At-Home-Mom herself, she felt caught up in the same monotony.  But she shared that ...

It's time to be updated!  It's time to move on from "The Five Year Plan - Revised" because Zach and I are now on the other side of our first 5 years!  This also means that I am only two years away from being thirty... but more on my own aging issues later. I cannot tell you how many couples I have met who tell me that they plan on having kids "probably in about five years".  Why is 5 the magic number?  Please do not take this condescendingly - I was one of them.  What do we think would happen in these five years that would make us ready for children?  What do we hope to accomplish?  Where do we want to travel?  How many bucket list items do we hope to cross off?  I had it so nicely planned out.  Married at 22, career at 23, kids at 27, house by 30...  With these numbers I'd probably be telling my kids that I would be a grandma at 60 - no arguing!  Who did I think I was?  God?  Thankfully he is patient and didn't s...

Dear Mr. Manning, This is my daughter Peyton. She is 8 months old, and the most adorable, precocious, and sweet spirited baby you will ever meet (except for your own, of course). She is a wiggler, a giggler, a smiler, and is in fact named after you. She might not be fond of being named after a male football player when she's 15, but if it wasn't this, then I'm sure she'd find something else to be angry at us for.  Many people who don't know us well assume that my husband chose her name and that he's the big NFL fan, but it was in fact me; I've known for years that I would name one of my children after you, boy or girl. I've been your fan since you were drafted, and have watched you take the Colts from the worst team in the NFL (I have proof in the form of a Monopoly board ) to being Super Bowl champions. And when you became a Bronco, it brought me full circle, back to my dad who has been a lifelong-live-and-die-with-them-don't-talk-to-him-ti...

I love the environment.  I am thankful for the clean air I get to breathe and for a husband who knows what's recyclable off the top of his head.  I firmly believe in conserving our earth's precious resources.  But today my kitchen sink was dirty.  Very very dirty. So today I cleaned the kitchen sink with Clorox wipes.  About 20 of them.  I could have gotten out the sponges and the vinegar and the hot water and the baking soda, but today I needed something fast and convenient.  I needed something that I didn't have to worry about spilling and I needed to be readily available to run my football helmet wearing-ball wielding-potty training toddler to the bathroom.  Or snatch a fallen Sophie giraffe for my teething infant.  Or intercept a rogue ball headed toward said infant's head. I also was running short on time and low on energy, so I decided to make a smoothie for lunch.  But the dishwasher was full and I hate doing the dishes, plus ...

Every person needs to find out what their reset button is.  It doesn't matter if you're a mom, a man, a woman, single, or married, everyone has a time when they need to just reset their day.  Maybe you missed your train, or your alarm clock didn't go off.  Maybe you got yelled at or got in a fight with your mom.  Sometimes your system just starts to crash, and the only way to avoid a complete hard drive failure is to reboot.  Mine  started to crash today after I accidentally fell asleep on the couch while Matty was playing nicely in the living room.  This should be the perfect time for a tiny cat nap, right?  Toddler plays quietly with his blocks and Mommy quickly dozes.  Anyone who has ever seen a toddler knows where this is going. Toddlers have something called "stealth mode".  It gives them the ability to a.) realize that mommy or daddy isn't paying attention, even when their back is turned, and b.) gives them the power to perform a...

M and I are having one of those days.  He's acting like a 1 year old and I want him to understand me like a 5 year old.  Every time I turn around, something has been pulled off a shelf.  Every time I try to do something like empty the dishwasher, M needs me with sudden clinginess.  Instead of saying please, I constantly am reminding him not to whine.  His room is covered in books, clothes that he's pulled out of his drawer, and diapers (thankfully clean!).  I'm exhausted and ready to close my bedroom door and cry.  But instead I bend to pick up the books and realize that his daily flip calendar is still on March.  So I change it to today's date, and here was the verse: 1 Samuel 1:27 (NCV) "I prayed for this child, and the Lord answered my prayer and gave him to me." Then the tears came.  I have been praying for this sweet little boy since before I knew him.  It has always been my  heart's desire to be a mother, and he has heard ...

Sometimes words just cannot describe what you are feeling.  Sometimes they just don't capture a moment well-enough.  Not for lack of desire or trying, but sometimes the words just don't come.  Two weeks ago I wanted to sit down and blog about the most wonderful thing that had happened.  Two weeks ago I couldn't wait to share the good news.  And for two weeks, the words haven't come. Two weeks ago we signed the intent to adopt papers for our sweet Baby M!  He has now been with us for over a year and we continue to fall more in love with him every day.  We have learned how important each day is.  We have learned that God knows our hearts and is not setting out to hurt us even when we can't see the big picture.  We have learned the value of family and the importance of prioritizing.  We have learned to use each moment of a "waiting period". Sometimes words don't come because we are so wrapped up in the moment.  But there is value i...

True Confession:  I am a martyr mom.  I am not proud of this, but acceptance is the first step to recovery.  The martyr mom is the one who pushes on and tries to get everything done herself.  The martyr mom is the one who doesn't ask for help, but then gets frustrated when no one else steps up to the task.  The martyr mom is the one who, when told to take a break, says "just let me finish this" and then moves on to the next chore.  The martyr mom is the one who thinks she is "taking one for the team", but is in reality driving everyone else nuts. How do I know this?  Because I am the Martyr Mom.  Last week I hurt my hand, but I wasn't going to let that stop me!  There was too  much to get done!  The laundry wasn't going to do itself, the dishes weren't going to magically be clean, and no fairy was going to make dinner for us.  So I pushed through the pain, did three loads of laundry, unloaded/loaded/and hand washed ...

I am no relationship expert, but I do have a thought or two on choosing the man you want to marry. This past week I have been a hacking-sniffling-shuffling-self-pitying-nap taking-kleenex throwing-tea drinking-sweats-wearing version of myself.  Not the prettiest thing to see.  But Zach is my hero.  He is the embodiment of self-less love. Thankfully he married me before he saw this mopey version of myself.  But here are some of the finer points I've learned this week: 1.  Marry a man who knows how to find food.  Be it take-out, a bowl of cereal, or the grocery store, do not marry a man who relies solely on you for his food. 2.  Marry a man who will go to the store for Sudafed and come back with ice cream too.  Enough said. 3.  Marry a man who will buy kleenex in the pretty box because he knows it'll make you smile and that smiling is healing. 4.  Marry a man who, even though he doesn't understand why you don't drink coffee when yo...

What in the world happened to Christmas?  I'm pretty sure that the last time I looked at the calendar, it was December 1st.  This holiday season flew like no other, and we were so blessed by our time with family and close friends.  With thankful hearts we briefly recap our year: January :  I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and began an outpatient pain management program while Zach tried to take control of his first class of middle schoolers at Valadez Middle School Academy.  Wonderful friends and family threw us two baby showers and encouraged us as we continued working towards our foster care certification. February :  We celebrated our third anniversary! March:  I turned 25 and survived. April: We finished our foster care certification and were immediately visited by the stork - we brought Baby M home, and our lives will never be the same.  We spent an incredible week on vacation in Cayucos with Zach's family. May :  We decided t...

Somehow November disappeared.  As I look at our beautiful Christmas tree and the rain falling outside (our California version of snow) I don't know when we got here.  Where did the month of Thanksgiving go?  In light of the fact that I dropped of the radar for a month, I would like to post the top 3 things I am most thankful for. 1.  The daily saving grace given to me by my Heavenly Father Being a mom is hard.  Having fibromyalgia is hard.  Being human is hard!  But thankfully I'm not going through my day alone, and I have someone fighting in my corner, giving me strength when I need it, peace amidst turmoil, and wisdom when I lack it.  I have a tendency to worry about the future, but thankfully I often hear my very wise mother's voice in my head: "One day at a time".  We are given exactly what we need for the moment;  why try to make things harder by adding the burdens of tomorrow?  God's mercies are new every morning (Lam. 3:2...

For all you new and future parents out there who thought that you would feel more rested after the baby sleeps through the night, I have great news for you: I have never been so tired in my life!  Once these sweet darlings discover how to walk and stand, you have to stay four steps ahead of them.  It's 1:30pm, and just this morning M has unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper, emptied the trashcan into the bathtub, eaten (and immediately spit out!) candle wax, spilled milk on the floor, emptied a box that I'm trying to pack three times, hidden my cell phone, sprayed himself with Cherry Blossom body spray, smeared you-know-what all over the changing table, and since it's quiet right now, I can only assume he's into something else.  And all that with a nap in the middle.  Some of you might be picturing my son as an out-of-control-undisciplined little maniac, but the truth is that he's a very well-behaved baby.  But he has discovered the freedom that comes wi...

Before you have even opened your eyes, you just know that it's going to be "one of those" days.  You're still tired, but the baby's crying and the yard service started half and hour ago.  The weather forecast says it's going to be over 100 degrees today. You go into the kitchen and before the cheerios even have a chance to hit the tray, they are on the floor along with some pasta that you missed during last night's cleanup.  You just want to go back to bed.  It's definitely going to be one of those days. But this is where you have a choice.  It's easy to let the morning rule the rest of the day.  It's easy to assume that a bad morning will lead to a bad day.  Or you can stop and consider each minute a chance to start over.  Mine changed with a hug after breakfast.  It continued with a decision to be productive and get something done that I would feel good about.  It changed when I sat down with a cup of good coffee to return ...

There are many "firsts" that we will probably remember forever - first day of college, first kiss, the first time you conquered a fear... Over the past few weeks I have had a blast enjoying many of Baby M's firsts that he will more than likely not remember, but will hopefully all contribute to a deeply rooted sense that he is loved. On September 10th we celebrated his first birthday with friends and family in a Monsters Inc. themed party. I cannot express to you how blessed I was to share this day with loved ones who were equally sharing it with us. Zach's brother showed up as Mike Wazowski and was a great sport as three of the kids chased him around the yard. It meant so much to me as family jumped in to help without us even asking and even though M probably didn't have a clue what was going on, he was loved. Then a few days later M and I took his first airplane trip to Colorado! It was definitely a new experience flying with a little one, and don't t...

It's not that I didn't before the other night. But I have now had a first-hand experience with them. My brother was flying out to China for three months, so I was taking him to LAX to catch his 1am flight. I have major anxiety about missing flights, so even though I knew I needed to get gas, I figured I could make it to the airport. The drop-off was successful, Toby made his flight and is now in Beijing. My gas gauge was way below the E at this point, but anyone who know the area around LAX knows that Watts, Compton, and Inglewood are probably not the best places for a girl to get gas by herself at 11:30 at night. So I said a prayer and hoped that I would make it to the end of the freeway where I knew I'd be safe and there were gas stations. Well... the prayer was answered. Literally seconds after I got off the freeway my car sputtered and slowly began to die. The gas station was probably a hundred yards away and I was loping along on borrowed time. The left turn ...

Working with a government organization definitely teaches you patience. Either that or it will drive you absolutely batty. This self-proclaimed control freak is stuck somewhere in the middle. It's 9:45 and I'm sitting here waiting for my 9:00 appointment with the Department of Child and Family Services. I have two options: 1)seethe internally until the social worker gets here, at which point I will put on a smile and assure here that no, of course it was no problem at all that she was 45 minutes late and didn't call! Or, I can take a deep breath, realize that her being late is not affecting my schedule at all - I don't have anywhere else to be and this would be the perfect time to tackle those dishes! I can be grateful that I have a flexible schedule and have the opportunity to be a full-time foster mom. Not everyone has this luxury, and if I can make the social worker's job a little bit easier by being flexible, then that should be reason enough. I know which atti...