zach n kali

Pregnancy symptoms run the gamut.  There's everything from needing to pee all the time to your fingernails growing like magic.  There's nausea, there's heartburn, there's snoring.  I've been told that peanut butter and bananas are great first trimester foods because they taste the same coming up as going down and I'm pretty sure I've woken myself up snoring.  There are the mood swings in which you watch Sex in the City and find yourself crying uncontrollably (true story).  You might wake up in the middle of the night and say to yourself, "Hm... pizza sounds really good right now!" which might lead to the weight gain.  I remember a rhyme we learned at freshman orientation in college that went something along the lines of, "My back aches, my bra's too tight, my hips shake from left to right..."  I'm pretty sure that it was written by a pregnant lady. But the one that I want to focus on today is the, for lack of a better word, &quo

Every person needs to find out what their reset button is.  It doesn't matter if you're a mom, a man, a woman, single, or married, everyone has a time when they need to just reset their day.  Maybe you missed your train, or your alarm clock didn't go off.  Maybe you got yelled at or got in a fight with your mom.  Sometimes your system just starts to crash, and the only way to avoid a complete hard drive failure is to reboot.  Mine  started to crash today after I accidentally fell asleep on the couch while Matty was playing nicely in the living room.  This should be the perfect time for a tiny cat nap, right?  Toddler plays quietly with his blocks and Mommy quickly dozes.  Anyone who has ever seen a toddler knows where this is going. Toddlers have something called "stealth mode".  It gives them the ability to a.) realize that mommy or daddy isn't paying attention, even when their back is turned, and b.) gives them the power to perform all sorts of mayhem sile

My blog has been on a summer hiatus.  I usually like to write about the things that I've been thinking about, so this might lead you to believe that I've been doing very little thinking over the summer.  And you're partially right.  I've been spending my summer trying to be present, live in the moment, and enjoy the blessings I've been given.  Instead of writing, I traveled, took long naps, went swimming with my family, read a few books, and gained about 15 pounds (baby wanted ice cream, what can I say?).  And these things are all great!  But you won't learn half as much from life if you don't stop and reflect.  So to catch you up to speed... On June 11, a judge declared us to be a forever family - Zach, Kali, and Matthew Sean Hocking.  I literally cannot find the words to express what that day felt like, but surrounded by our family, we felt our Father in heaven and his angels rejoicing with us.  We were so blessed to have family visit from Colorado, and

Even though the secret's out already, I thought I'd wrap up my Old Wives Tales experiment.  Here are four more that I tried to see whether or not pink or blue lay in our future: Old Wives Tale 6:   if you're carrying high, break out the pink. If your bump is low, you're carrying a boy. Gender:  I feel like this one's a little too early to tell.  It's also hard not having anything to compare it to.  So I'll consider this one a draw.   Old Wives Tale 7:  If you feel less attractive now, then you are having a girl.  The belief is that baby girls steal their mothers' beauty.   Gender: I'm going to go girl on this one!  This is definitely an interesting time!  The person in the mirror is suddenly not matching your mental picture of yourself and it takes some adjustment.  Also the hormones are not helping my skin!  Girl all the way! Old Wives Tale 8:  If you have had severe morning sickness, you're having a girl.  Little or no morning sickne

M and I are having one of those days.  He's acting like a 1 year old and I want him to understand me like a 5 year old.  Every time I turn around, something has been pulled off a shelf.  Every time I try to do something like empty the dishwasher, M needs me with sudden clinginess.  Instead of saying please, I constantly am reminding him not to whine.  His room is covered in books, clothes that he's pulled out of his drawer, and diapers (thankfully clean!).  I'm exhausted and ready to close my bedroom door and cry.  But instead I bend to pick up the books and realize that his daily flip calendar is still on March.  So I change it to today's date, and here was the verse: 1 Samuel 1:27 (NCV) "I prayed for this child, and the Lord answered my prayer and gave him to me." Then the tears came.  I have been praying for this sweet little boy since before I knew him.  It has always been my  heart's desire to be a mother, and he has heard my cry and answered.  M

Old Wives Tale 3:  If you are craving sweets, it's a girl.  If you are craving salty or sour, then it's a boy. Gender: I have been craving both.  Sometimes at the same time (can you say fries dipped in a chocolate shake?)  So I pray that I am not having a hermaphrodite.  Old Wives Tale 4: (this one's kind of gross, but I warned you) These instructions are from Parenting.com:  Pee in a cup, mix a tablespoon of Drano in, and watch to see if it changes color. Green = girl, and blue = boy. Gender: I have a very strong aversion to bodily fluids, but for the sake of superstition, I did this one anyway.  But instead of changing color, it turned to foam.  And then stayed yellow.  I might be worried about this, except for the fact that I went to the doctor today and he found a nice strong heartbeat.  And the fact that it's drano.  And pee.   Since these tests have revealed nothing, we'll try one more: Old Wives Tale 5: Taken from Parenting.com " Legend has it

In three and a half weeks we get to find out whether we're having a boy or a girl (I have several posts titled "Confessions of a Recovering Control Freak" - are you really surprised that I'm finding out the gender?).  I'm very much enjoying the anticipation, but am also looking forward to knowing whether we'll be naming our baby Luke Skywalker or Princess Leia (since I had to look up the spelling, you can probably guess that that was Zach's idea).  Until then, we have a little baby Chewbacca. But just for fun I've looked up different ways of determining on your own whether you're having a boy or a girl. There are a million wacky ways from how you're carrying the baby to which way the Drano goes down the sink (I'm not kidding).  So I thought I would test these to see if they actually work.  So to start it off: Old Wives Tale 1:  If the baby's heartbeat is over 140 beats/minute, you are having a girl.  Lower than 140 indicates a boy.

I have become a food hider.  Not in the sense that I am embarrassed to eat in front of people, but in the somehow I have placed food everywhere way.  In fact, I was just sitting down on my bed to check email when I remembered, "Hey!  I have a chocolate bar in my nightstand!"  And this prompted some thinking... Why in the world do I need a 16oz. dark chocolate bar by my bed?  Will I suddenly wake up in the middle of the night and think "CHOCOLATE!"  Before I get out of bed to get Baby M in the morning, will I need a little pick-me-up?  Most people start their days by brushing their teeth; will I need to start mine with sugar? This new little life inside me says yes to all of those things.  Yes, I am pregnant.  If you're finding this out via this blog, I am very sorry and I definitely owe you an apology over a cup of coffee.  But as I thought about my chocolate, which is quickly disappearing as I write, I realized that it's not just in my nightstand!  I ha

Sometimes words just cannot describe what you are feeling.  Sometimes they just don't capture a moment well-enough.  Not for lack of desire or trying, but sometimes the words just don't come.  Two weeks ago I wanted to sit down and blog about the most wonderful thing that had happened.  Two weeks ago I couldn't wait to share the good news.  And for two weeks, the words haven't come. Two weeks ago we signed the intent to adopt papers for our sweet Baby M!  He has now been with us for over a year and we continue to fall more in love with him every day.  We have learned how important each day is.  We have learned that God knows our hearts and is not setting out to hurt us even when we can't see the big picture.  We have learned the value of family and the importance of prioritizing.  We have learned to use each moment of a "waiting period". Sometimes words don't come because we are so wrapped up in the moment.  But there is value in reflection.  As I

I am not the creative type.  I don't sew, I can't draw worth beans, I don't crochet cute little hats, and I definitely don't plan particularly exciting Sunday school lessons.  But here's something I do well: read.  This allows me to use the creativity of other people to have fun and create some pretty cool stuff.  So when I go onto Pinterest.com and see an appetizing looking cupcake or a new way to organize my socks, I can click the link to read the instructions - I love do-it-yourself stuff.  It may not always look the best, because like I said earlier, the picture in my head just doesn't travel through my hands, but I usually had fun doing it.  So for me, Pinterest is an opportunity for me to see what other people have come up with and if I like it and it's easy enough, I can recreate it. My $10 Growth Chart in M's Big Boy Room But here's the kicker - Pinterest has made me more creative!   Spending time looking at creative stuff has actually

This post is dedicated to my friend Vickie, who has gone through this stage three times with grace, and listens to me with sympathy and laughter. Toddler.  The word to me conjures up images of exhaustion and terror.  When you hear "baby", it's easy to ignore the sleepless nights and the constant crying, because images of giggles, pudgy smiles, cooing, lullabies, and strolls through the park are so strong.  Toddler implies endless energy, willful independence, the possibility of tantrums at the store, spaghetti everywhere, and toys all over the house.  These are definitely the adjectives I would have provided when I was childless.  And with a baby, I had to know that when I got to this phase, somehow God would give me the grace to get through it. Oh, but how wrong I was!  Don't get me wrong - I'm exhausted!  A friend asked me if I had blogged recently and I replied that I hadn't found the time, that when M became a toddler, suddenly my time disappeared.  We

True Confession:  I am a martyr mom.  I am not proud of this, but acceptance is the first step to recovery.  The martyr mom is the one who pushes on and tries to get everything done herself.  The martyr mom is the one who doesn't ask for help, but then gets frustrated when no one else steps up to the task.  The martyr mom is the one who, when told to take a break, says "just let me finish this" and then moves on to the next chore.  The martyr mom is the one who thinks she is "taking one for the team", but is in reality driving everyone else nuts. How do I know this?  Because I am the Martyr Mom.  Last week I hurt my hand, but I wasn't going to let that stop me!  There was too  much to get done!  The laundry wasn't going to do itself, the dishes weren't going to magically be clean, and no fairy was going to make dinner for us.  So I pushed through the pain, did three loads of laundry, unloaded/loaded/and hand washed the dishes, and cooked spaghetti

Just a minute ago, I was picking something up off the floor when M came barreling toward me for a hug.  I cannot express to you how much I love these hugs!  So I opened my arms and as he ran into them, there was a large splat and something wet hit my arm.  Now, I knew that he had been playing with the towels and washcloths in the kitchen, but why would one be wet?  Then it dawned on me - the one water source he could reach.  Have you ever had that point where you realize how gross something really is?  It took just a few steps to confirm what I feared - toilet paper everywhere, water surrounding the toilet, and the realization that it had just been too quiet only moments earlier.  I had been hugged with toilet water.

Dear Baby Boy, When did you stop being a baby?  When did this little boy emerge, so independent and full of ideas and opinions?  It seems like it was just yesterday that I was introducing you to new things, showing you textures and foods.  Now here you are exploring on your own and bringing things to me with new excitement!  Everything is an adventure.  Whether it's a piece of grass, your trucks, or pointing at the cat for the millionth time, everything is new and exciting. Each new word you learn is said and repeated again and again with such pride.  The little baby that I loved so much has turned into a little boy that I love even more.  Instead of trying to keep you awake until bedtime, it's now you who is tiring me out early!  You no longer watch me put blocks together, but instead build them into tall towers yourself.  I love your creativity and your energy.  I loved seeing your smile today as we looked at the fish in the pet store.  I love hearing you say "Buh!"

I am no relationship expert, but I do have a thought or two on choosing the man you want to marry. This past week I have been a hacking-sniffling-shuffling-self-pitying-nap taking-kleenex throwing-tea drinking-sweats-wearing version of myself.  Not the prettiest thing to see.  But Zach is my hero.  He is the embodiment of self-less love. Thankfully he married me before he saw this mopey version of myself.  But here are some of the finer points I've learned this week: 1.  Marry a man who knows how to find food.  Be it take-out, a bowl of cereal, or the grocery store, do not marry a man who relies solely on you for his food. 2.  Marry a man who will go to the store for Sudafed and come back with ice cream too.  Enough said. 3.  Marry a man who will buy kleenex in the pretty box because he knows it'll make you smile and that smiling is healing. 4.  Marry a man who, even though he doesn't understand why you don't drink coffee when you're sick, or why you can'

I wanted to take a minute to say thank you to an organization called AdvoKids.  As a foster parent, you feel like you have very little say when it comes to court hearings and legal proceedings.  That's how I felt as our January hearing loomed ahead.  Thankfully, Advokids showed me how to have a voice and how to advocate for my child.  All it took was an email over the weekend, and a lawyer called me back on Monday morning.  She answered my questions and told me exactly what to say to the judge.  She emailed me the correct wording and additional documents to support my filing.  After that she followed up with a phone call to make sure that everything went well.  I could not be more grateful to them.  As I stood before the judge, I felt confident in my wording and my requests.  The judge even smiled and nodded - without Advokids' help, I would've have floundered and may have missed an important step.  When it comes to foster care, so often you only hear about the bad.  But th

The transition into toddlerhood has been a little rough.  We are caught in the tension between being a baby and completely dependent to becoming an independent child.  One minute we're happy, the next we're anxious, then we're frustrated about something and throwing a tantrum.  The days can be tiring.  It's a constant balancing act, and last night we fell off the see-saw. M didn't want to play with Daddy; instead he wanted to be held by Mommy while she frantically cooked dinner (part of it is my mistake for wanting to make basil and feta stuffed chicken breasts instead of the easy mac-n-cheese). Then M didn't want to eat.  Then he didn't want to play.  So I put him in my lap while I finished my dinner, and during a blink, he knocked my wine glass clear across the table.  Wine went everywhere - the walls, the floor, his high chair... I'd had it - a bad word came out of my mouth.  I couldn't stop it - it just escaped.  It was 7:00 and I was ready for

Many of you have asked us for an update in regards to where we are in the foster/adoption process with Baby M.  It has been quite a journey, and I feel that I am still processing each new piece of information!  To be honest, it's one that we feel more comfortable sharing with you over a cup of coffee rather than on the internet, but we want to thank you for the prayers and support we have received from you over the past year.  A year ago we had almost finished our foster certification when we hit an unanticipated snag as we waited for a set of fingerprints to clear.  At the time it didn't make sense, and the only thing that kept us going was the knowledge that God was in control and that he was working to bring the right baby into our home at the right time.  A year later, we know that this was true as we move into the next stage of adoption!  We cannot believe God's grace and goodness as we now begin to take the necessary steps to make Baby M a part of our forever family.

What in the world happened to Christmas?  I'm pretty sure that the last time I looked at the calendar, it was December 1st.  This holiday season flew like no other, and we were so blessed by our time with family and close friends.  With thankful hearts we briefly recap our year: January :  I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and began an outpatient pain management program while Zach tried to take control of his first class of middle schoolers at Valadez Middle School Academy.  Wonderful friends and family threw us two baby showers and encouraged us as we continued working towards our foster care certification. February :  We celebrated our third anniversary! March:  I turned 25 and survived. April: We finished our foster care certification and were immediately visited by the stork - we brought Baby M home, and our lives will never be the same.  We spent an incredible week on vacation in Cayucos with Zach's family. May :  We decided to put a hold on my graduate program