"Punch the Keys, for God's sake!"

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Using his best Sean Connery imitation, this was Zach's sage advice for me as I whined about my lack of projects during this quarantine.  As natural doer, having nothing to do has been rough.  To be a doer who's not doing is... "unnerving" as Lumiere puts it in Beauty and the Beast. Which is why Zach has tried to get me to write, regularly quoting Finding Forester to try and motivate me. The problem is that I don't like to write unless the words are flowing out of my soul with ease. My fingers fly over the keys, barely keeping up with my thoughts, my body feels as though something is quite literally brimming inside of me that is spilling out onto the page.  When I don't have words... punching the keys feels like a chore. A discipline. Work.

 As I thought about it some more, I realized that, while I may not have any new words, there are words I've written that haven't been shared. More correctly, they have only been shared with a very small group of people who knew my heart deeper than most and had seen my spiritual and personal growth at its most vulnerable level. I started writing this blog right after I wrote what was called "My Narrative" as a part of a Spiritual Formations class I took. If you've read it for a while, you've heard about my marriage, my diagnosis of Celiac and Fibromyalgia, the growth of our family through adoption and biology, the loss of my mom. But what you probably don't know is now I got here. And to be honest, if I hadn't written my Narrative, I probably wouldn't either.

 So, dear reader, I share my story now with you. Be gentle as you read, as I find writing to be my most intimate way of sharing myself. When you first think about looking back over your life, you picture yourself at Death's Door. It's only then that your life will flash before your eyes.  You think about not wanting to have any regrets.  The emphasis is on finishing well.  And if the focus is on how you end, then why bother looking back to see what and how you did in the past.  It's enough to just focus on the road before you.  But maybe...

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