He Sustains

   Most people enter college with a sense of excitement and anticipation. While I definitely had those feelings, they were accompanied by a deep sense of disappointment that I wasn't at my preferred school. By the end of the first week, the Lord softened my heart and I felt a deep sense of peace as I walked around campus. I could palpably feel the Spirit. I began to be stretched in ways I never thought possible. Naturally shy, I quickly realized that I needed to get out of my comfort zone and open myself up to strangers. For the first time in my life I didn't have friends placed in front of me as I had while attending a small youth group or school. I was terrified of being away from my family, but because I was willing to open myself up to a new community I wasn't lonely. I made it my mission to say "yes" to anything I was asked to do or join, so long as it didn't conflict with my values. Because of this, I made dear friends, played sardines all over campus, rode ice blocks down hills at midnight, danced in an amateur music video, and slept through way too many eight am classes. Thanks to dear family friends, I found a church as well as a surrogate family. They gave me a place to crash on Sunday afternoons and do laundry, as well as a home for holidays like Thanksgiving.
    Along with all the good came devastating news. It was around that first Thanksgiving when my mom's MS relapsed. It was surreal and horrible being so far away. Because at this time calling overseas involved a huge time difference and calling cards and landlines, I could only catch snippets - Mom's not doing well Mom went to the hospital - I had to try to create a framework and fit the pieces into place on my own. Some days it felt like I was drowning from my inability to do anything. That first Christmas home, my mom greeted me at the hospital using a crutches to support her as she walked. The next summer home she was using a walker and a wheelchair during extended outings. While I carried none of the day to day burden that my dad and siblings carried, the emotional burden wore me down and I was often sick.
    Through all this, one thing stands out to me - the strength of my parents' relationship. When I was younger, my dad traveled a lot often for two weeks at a time. My mom kept our home running with amazing strength and resilience. After her relapse, as her body began to fail her more and more, my dad would tell her, "You took care of everything for so long; let me take care of you". When they got married, they had no idea that MS was in their future. But their vows were real - for better, for worse, in sickness and in health. In the beautiful and the ugly, in the laughter and in the tears. But I know that these vows weren't sustainable on their own. Their marriage was held by the One who loved them more than they loved each other. Just as He sustained me in my loneliness and fears, He sustained their dedication to one another, their ability to love and serve in painfully and unexpected circumstances.